My double edge sword

For a while now I have been thinking about my double edge sword in life. I know we all have them, Ever since I can remember I have problems with my weight. For me it started in grade school I was shy and very insecure about myself and because of that I didn't have allot of Friends. my weight was better right after my mission, but slowly it came back. and being pregnant with Constance didn't help.. and now I am at my highest weight ever. and I hate it. my doctor wont help me get pregnant until I loose a bunch of weight and loosing the weight is the hardest thing ever for me, when I started my diet in the beginning I lost about 13lbs I was so excited in a way, I mean the scale showed the change but I didn't see the change and still haven't. I haven't lost anymore, it just really sucks that my biggest trial in life is keeping away my biggest dream. Don't get me wrong I love Constance soo much, I just want soo bad to give her a best friend to share memories with, a brother and sister for her to grow up together. I just hate knowing that it might not happen, and that if it don't, its all my fault.