My double edge sword

For a while now I have been thinking about my double edge sword in life. I know we all have them, Ever since I can remember I have problems with my weight. For me it started in grade school I was shy and very insecure about myself and because of that I didn't have allot of Friends. my weight was better right after my mission, but slowly it came back. and being pregnant with Constance didn't help.. and now I am at my highest weight ever. and I hate it. my doctor wont help me get pregnant until I loose a bunch of weight and loosing the weight is the hardest thing ever for me, when I started my diet in the beginning I lost about 13lbs I was so excited in a way, I mean the scale showed the change but I didn't see the change and still haven't. I haven't lost anymore, it just really sucks that my biggest trial in life is keeping away my biggest dream. Don't get me wrong I love Constance soo much, I just want soo bad to give her a best friend to share memories with, a brother and sister for her to grow up together. I just hate knowing that it might not happen, and that if it don't, its all my fault.

Hard times

We found out tonight that Steph has MS, the spinal tap that they did on her days ago has not healed and the doctors think that her spinal fluid is leaking into her body.. and the growth they found on her spine has turned out to be a big mass of infection. They are already looking for a new home, one that is just one level and has air conditioning. turns out the heat is bad for MS. She is having a bad time walking. They got her a cane and it helps but it probably wont be long until she is in a wheel chair.

Stephanie

Here is a picture of my older sister Steph and her cute family, yesterday I spent the day at my mom & dads. While I was there her husband called. The doctors found a growth on her spine. and they said it was a possibility that she has MS. for weeks now she has had no feeling in her feet and it has been slowly working up her body. I am so glad that they found out why she has been soo sick. But at the same time it still puts a knot in my stomach.

In the past I have thought about who I look up too. and Steph is on the top of my list. Steph has had soo many trials in life, I often wonder how she can be so strong. She has had not only one but two of her kids pass on before her. Amanda only lived a few minutes but Adam was around Seventeen when he died. I could go on and on about Stephs trials she has had but I wont. thats not why I posted about her today. She is sick, she is my sister and I am worried about her.

Quack Quack

The last while there has been some baby ducks out by our mailbox's so of course Constance wants to see them as often as she can. I must admit they sure are cute fuzzy creatures!

Pictures from the Zoo

Mission Memorys

Yesterday I was listening to the song "Walking in Memphis" and it got me thnking about my mission. I love the south so much, I love the members there. They were so happy to see you and they always made me feel so welcome in their homes. But most of all I miss being so close to the spirit. I miss being able to talk about the gosple 24/7 I miss the look investigators would get when the spirit would testify to their heart about the gosple of Jesus Christ.

what I dont miss:

wrecks on the (Beast) Bike

Gibblets

gritts

Eating road kill (yes road kill!)

Bible Bashing

Having rocks thrown at me.

walking 10 miles one way to an appointnent with no ride home! (Thankfully this only happened one time!)

So I have been on my diet for about 3 weeks now.. I have lost 11 Lbs so far, wait I take that back I dont want to say lost because I dont want to find them agian.. So I'll say I have got rid of 11 Lbs so far. I am craving all the foods I cant have : Bread, Pasta, Potato products.. Chocolate. I have found some great low carb/ carb free recipes and they make the diet easier. I also am drinking more water than I ever have. I am drinking ver a 2 liter of water a day.. It might be a long time before I can get pregnant, and my doctor doesnt know if this will even work.. but since he thinks it might I will stay on this diet my whole life if I have too, to have another baby.